King of Spirits Absinthe
I think you know by now that I'm no stranger to tasting really crapy "absinthe", but this one in particular have been hard for me to get to, I think it has been sitting in my absinthe cabinet for about 2 years now and I haven't tried it yet. But today is the day, apparently. Today I'm going to try the King of Spirits.
I doubt very much that this is a real absinthe. Of course you're not going to find a label on it that says "I'm a crapy, fake drink that shouldn't be allowed to be called absinthe! Buy me!", but there are certain signs. First of all, if I'm allowed to be a bit prejudiced, it's from the Czech Republic, the nation mother to most of the fake absinthes that I know of. Second, the label says that no artificial colorings are used, but it omits any information about destillation or it containing any artificial flavors, which is always a bad sign. Thirdly, they have put pieces of grand wormwood in the bottle, a sort of third, indefinite maceration. You don't use grand wormwood in the coloring process since it is too bitter, so this is bound to tase really bad I think. Finally, the producers promises "the ultimate kick" and "you will feel a certain kind of magic when you drink it". *facepalm* Further more, on the label it says "For experts only" (I'm not sure what defines an expert in this case, an alcoholic maybe?), "Pure natural liquor" and "Thujone: up to 10 mg/l". When they try to flash the thujone content it's always a bad sign, also, they cant be sure of the thujone content since they have put in additional wormwood that in itself contains more thujone. I'm guessing they chose 10 mg/l since that is the highest allowed limit in the United States, but most other fakesinthes claim to contain 35 mg/l since that is the highest limit allowed in Europe. For the cherry to top of this questionable sundae that is the King of Spirits Absinthe they put a picture of Vincent van Gogh on the label, a person that any absinthe enthusiast worth his salt knows shouldn't be the posterboy for absinthe. -.- Oh well, I bought it, might as well get this over with.
Aged: No
Distillery: L`OR-destilleriet
ABV: 70%
Category: Verte
Real/Fake: Fake
Origin: Czech Republic
Color and Louche: In the picture from the website (as shown above) the color is distinctly green, however, the bottle I got was a light shade of yellow, like the piss from a well hydrated person. The color is the same now as the day I got it so I wonder if it has always had this color and the picture is misleading (as in the case of Heritage from ALANDIA) or if it has actually been colored traditionally which has since been degraded? Again, the label says that it doesn't contain any artificial colorings so I guess I have to believe that it has been green once. I wonder if the bits of wormwood could have something to do with the yellowing of the color? Regarding the louch, it's really non-existent, nothing whatsoever is shown (yes, the picture above showes the absinthe WITH water). I find that this is often the case with fake absinthes so I guess this might be a blend of essences.
Aroma: Right from the bottle the first thing i notice is that nice-but-at-the-same-time-not-so-nice-smell of a permanent marker pen, there is also something almond-like and Grumme Grönsåpa (a Swedish soap). Same as with the permanent marker smell I DO like Grumme but not in something I'm about to drink! From the glass I get pretty much the same thing but now it's more of a hand disinfectant than a permanent marker. Let's see if a bit of water can save this, shall we? Water actually brings out a bit of lemon (which now makes it smell like Grumme Grönsåpa Citron), I also find some "Skolkritor" (a nordic licorice candy). My fiancee thinks it smells a bit like an XO pear-cognac but personally I don't smell it.
Taste: Hmm, there is some pear here, of course the soap, no practical licorice and... HA! HA HA! The bitterness stabs every tastebud I have while making the sound of Roberto from Futurama. HA HA! HA HA! Of course this is all thanks to the pieces of wormwood in the bottle.
Final thoughts: There is really not much nice to say about this abomination, every aspect of it was terrible. This might be more suited as a souvenir to look at then an actual drink. It reminds me of Euphoria, but that one at least had a full twig of wormwood in it and a nicer label, both of which makes it prettier to look at. So stupid to put grand wormwood in your absinthe bottle, it destroys it completely! Yes, this is not a good product to start with, but the bitterness from the wormwood REALLY made this hit rock bottom. Even if the absinthe itself was a Jade, it would taste foul if you put grand wormwood in the bottle. I didn't finish the glas, much less the bottle, I threw that one out. Is anyone surprised that it gets bottom grade?
