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Source: Plateau Spirits




Today I´m trying out the latest nordic absinthe on the market: La Luna. It’s made in Sweden by the Tevsjö distillery (I actually pass it when going to my summerhouse) but is made for the Danish company Plateau Spirits. They chose the Tevsjö distillery (which by the way is no where near Denmark) because they make the best base spirit and only use local ingredients (compared to others that import less fine base spirit from Russia).



The reason why they chose to make an absinthe is that Tonny from Plateau Spirits really like absinthe and he also think that there is to many crapsinthes out there with artificial coloring etc. This is the first absinthe they make, they might make more but since they are a very small company and absinthe is expensive to make, they need this one to sell well if they are going to make another.



Let’s talk about the recipe for a moment. Something that make this absinthe really stand out from all other absinthes are some special ingredients: papaya, coconut and coffee beans. This might sound like an odd combination, especially in an absinthe, but Tonny says that when he make a new recipe it’s important that he makes something that nobody else is doing, and I think we could agree that no one in France would use papaya ;P We have seen coffee beans before, and that was not my favorite, but I think it’s fun when people dare to experiment a bit! In the coloring process it seems like he only uses lemon balm and he lets it soak for a long time, so I expect a lot of lemon in this one ;) Tony tried about 35 recipes before he was satisfied, so I think it’s safe to say that this absinthe should taste the way he want it to.



The bottle is like a shorter and bulkier version of the one Svensk Absint uses for their Opals. It certainly works well if you want a bigger label, I considered it myself for my absinthes, but unfortunately I think it’s… well… ugly. However, they made something pretty good out of it, the label is pretty big and has a black background that melts together with the dark glass pretty nicely. The black stopper in artificial cork tops it of very well. But let’s go back to the label, I REALLY like this one! As I said, black background ant the motive is drawn in gold. The motive has a very heathen vibe to it: snakes, eyes, crescent moons, flowers, stars and such. Usually I think I can describe the labels pretty well, but here the popular saying ”a picture says more than a thousand words” feels pretty apt. It is designed by a French tattoo artist, actually, all of their labels are made by tattoo artists, and mighty nice they are! Finally, the absinthe got it’s name from what is apparently sort of a nickname for absinthe. I´ve heard a lot of different names for absinthe during the years, but not La Luna (”The Moon”). Nice when you can learn something new! :P



One more thing before we get to the tasting, and this is a big reason to why I bought this: Earlier this year (2021) Plateau Spirits entered a big competition in San Diego, the SIP Awards. I've never heard about it but apparently it’s pretty big, maybe some of you have heard about it? They entered the absinthe category with La Luna and won Platinum, that’s better than double gold! The price is described as follows:

 
”Spirits that placed for a Platinum medal represent a distinguished class that earned exceptional marks from consumer judges. Platinum medal recipients are highly recommended to the public.”


I can’t say that an absinthe flavored with papaya, coconut and coffee would be my first choice, but after reading that I surely had to taste it. I mean, it really can’t be all that bad if the judges thinks this highly of it, right?




Aged: No
Distillery: Tevsjö Distillery (for Plateau Spirits)
ABV: 61%
Category: Verte
Real/Fake: Real
Origin: Sweden/Denmark



Color and Louche: The color is VERY thin, I’m not entirely sure what to compare it with. It has the nuance of fresh gras (or fresh lemon balm as it happens). I donat really get any louche, there are oil-streaks from the first drop of water, but when I’m done (and all the way through) the liquid is just as clear as it was straight from the bottle.



Aroma: When I pop open the bottle I can just feel the base alcohol, no herbs what so ever. Maybe a small hint of coffee? Unfortunately the glass doesn’t bring out any new notes, still mostly base alcohol. I start adding water, carefully sniffing the glass after each part but all I can find is the base alcohol and something slightly burned. If I use my imagination there might be something herb-ish at the end, but I’m not sure.




Taste: VERY little taste. There is the base alcohol again, and the sugar I’ve added, but then there is almost nothing else. I can’t detect any herbs, no papaya, coconut or even coffee. It’s just… blank. A bitter aftertaste makes itself known after I swallow, and it lingers for quite a while.



Final thoughts: This feels so weird to me, how can an absinthe with such good remarks taste so bad to me (and så little)? I honestly don’t get it. I wrote to Tonny and asked if I might have gotten a bottle from a bad batch or something, but he said that there is only one batch and I probably just don’t like the flavor profile. I have a hard time accepting that. I know that taste is subjective, but this is absurd. Based upon what I’ve tasted today I really can’t recommend this to anybody, but I’d be really happy to hear from anyone else that have tasted this, because I simply can’t believe that this is the same spirit the judges in the SIP Awards had. I´m very sorry Tonny, but I can’t give this anything else than 0,5, I really hope I’m wrong in this.

 

Absinthe La Luna

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”With modern alchemy and old world magic, a new era of spirits is born.”

 

Today we are going to test something REALLY special, or maybe I should say unique (keep in mind though that this doesn't necessarily mean good)? I have tried A LOT of fake absinthes, but today we are going to tackle something really bad (as far as authenticity goes) the worst of the bad, the creme de la crap: Lyre´s Absinthe. ”What makes this absinthe worse than the other overpriced cocktails of sugars, essences and food colorings out there?” you ask? This one doesn’t even contain alcohol, it’s suposed to be an alcohol free absinthe (oh, the heresy!). I won't have to let this rest for a couple of months before I taste it, I doubt it will change character at all. In fact, it is not recommended that you drink this past 12 weeks after the bottle is opened (it might actually turn bad).



This ”absinthe is made by Lyre´s, a company that wants to do the impossible: make alcohol free spirits. Their slogan is ”Lyre´s, impossibly crafted non-alcoholic spirits”. Unlike with most of the other absinthes I review here, I won’t make a post about the distillery/company, partly because I’m not interested enough and partly because I doubt I’ll ever buy anything from them again. They seem to be stationed in England but they sell to a lot of different countries (Sweden included). I'm not sure if you can call an alcohol free spirit a spirit anymore, it seems like nut free nuts to me. But that’s their business anyway, and they have made a substitute for most basic spirits there is, making it possible to make a non-alcoholic version of pretty much any drink.



This time I looked up the profile of what I’m about to put in my mouth, something I don't usually do (I’m better baited with words like ”limited edition” or pretty labels). According to Lyre´s website it tastes of verbena, anise and other herbs, on the bottle they add licorice and lemon as well. Can’t help but to notice they left wormwood and fennel out. All in all it’s suposed to taste a bit candy-like. The description of the aroma I like better: licorice, anise, lemon, candy (!) and herbs such as nettles, fennel and wormwood (there we go). I also came across the list of ingredients used to make this:

Water, Sugar, Glucose Syrup, Natural Flavouring, Acidity Regulator (Citric Acid), Brilliant Blue Colour (E133), Stabiliser (Cellulose Gum (E466)), Preservative (Potassium Sorbate).



Now, let´s talk a bit about the packaging. This might be one of the most stylish bottles I’ve ever bought! The label is dark green (a bit darker than the drink inside) and the picture and text is made in gold. They are using stylish, vintage fonts and the corners are decorated in a swirling, pre-ban-like pattern, very fancy! The picture is almost as fancy, it’s a frog drawn in the style of one of the pictures you can find in antique medical-books. It (the frog) has a bowtie, a top-hat and is in the process of catching small green fairies *lol*. Around the neck of the bottle sits a neckless of the same dark green paper, displaying the symbol of the company: a bird (possible a peacock?) in a top-hat. There is also a lot of text on the label, but my favorite is the one I opened this review with. If this drink is half as tasty as the bottle is pretty, then this is better than a lot of genuine absinthe out there ;) Let’s have a taste!




Aged: No
Distillery: Lyre´s
ABV: 0.0%
Category: Verte
Real/Fake: Superfake
Origin: England



Color and Louche: As you red above, this color comes in a bottle and goes by the name of E133, aka ”brilliant blue colour”. Actually it’s just as blue as it is green and it´s thinner than DJ Qualls´ arms. There is absolutely no louche at all, but that’s not really a surprise since it doesn’t contain any oils.




Aroma: In Sweden we have a special toothpaste, it’s blue (brilliant blue?) and has a very famous comic book character on the packaging, a bear called Bamse. This toothpaste taste a bit like candy to make it more appealing to kids. This drink smells the same, maybe a touch of pear soda as well.




Taste: The taste is INCREDIBLY weak, like you dissolved a gummy bear in a liter of water. I had hoped that, if not good, at least it would be intense, but this little fairy-wannabe taste like it has been diluted with at least 15 parts water. It doesn’t taste the way it smells, I’d say it’s mostly pear soda but with less sugar and not sparkling. I wonder if that is a good or a bad thing? I could chug it all if it wasn’t for that about 10 seconds after I swallowed I get a spicy heat in my throat. That makes me think it wouldn’t be such a bright idea to down 0,7 liter at once, I might get a hole in my abdomen or spend the night in the bathroom, craping my intestens to oblivion.



Final thoughts: Lyre´s intent have been to do the impossible, to create alcohol free spirits, so that even people that doesn’t drink can join in the merriment of drinking. However, I’d say this is all about image, a product that let you say ”I drink, I just don’t drink alcohol”. You can go up to a bar and order a drink and be accepted in the environment without having to compromise your values. But guess what, you can do that without Lyre´s drinks. I feel this is a bit like mens hygiene products: it’s advertised ”for men” as to save our macho egos, but the stuff inside is pretty much the same as in women’s products or unisex products. This product says ”I’m no milkdrinker, I’m drinking booze, it’s just alkohol free”. Before I started drinking alcohol in the late 2015 I went with my classmates (during my university years) to bars and ordered a soda or a glass of milk. Yes, the milk earned me some amused remarks from the bartender, but since it normally wasn’t on the menu I got it for free (”Hello, my name is Fredrik and I'm a milkdrinker”). My point being that you can drink non-alcoholic without paying €27 for something that doesn’t taste anything like the spirit it is suposed to mimic. Hell, if you are worried about what other people will think, just order a Cola and say that it’s a Coke and Rum, or buy an alcohol free beer. I don't think that Lyre´s products are anymore spirits then any of all the soft drinks out there, but it sounds better and helps them sell their products. That doesn’t mean that you won’t like them though (by all means, try them), but don't fool yourself as to what you are drinking.

 

So, back to the drink. Of course I didn’t expect this to be anything like absinthe, but I had hoped for a stronger taste. I’m not sure if you know what Fun Light is? It’s a kids drink that is so concentrated that it should be diluted with 10 parts water before you drink it. I had hoped for this to be something like that, so if I didn’t want to drink alcohol I could still prepare it the same way you do absinthe, which honestly is a big part of the charm of drinking absinthe. I once had a ”sober inebriation” with Fun Light during my late teens, maybe I’ll tell you that story some time. The color was to weak, and looked very artificial, it didn’t taste anything like absinthe, it didn’t smell anything like absinthe and there were small, soft flakes swimming around in the bottle that made it look a bit dirty. I wouldn’t recommend this to any absinthe drinker, but you could always hand a glass or two to your kids. The Lyre´s absinthe gets a 0,5 rating from me and a fat WTF-stamp on the ass.

Lyre´s Absinthe

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Source: Absinth Depot Berlin
 
 
 

As I said before: I had a period when I ordered some "not great absinthes" and this is the next one in line for judgement: Pierre Ordinaire. The name naturally comes from the doctor that, according to some sources, invented the first absinthe recipe and later sold it to Henriette Henriod. However, most people I've heard discussing this agrees that this was not the case, Henriette Henriod (or the Henriod sisters) were the ones to invent the recipe and later sold it to Major Dubied who together with Henri-Louis Pernod commercialized it.

 

 

 

On the website it says that "it is made by hand exclusively from natural products", but it also says that it is pre-sweetened so I'm skeptical as to what that means. There is another version, simply called "Absinthe Ordinaire", that is stronger and not sweetened. Both are described as very bitter but Ordinaire more so. I'm gonna bet my sweet behind that this is a macerated fakesinthe and not a distilled one. Further more, they are bragging about the high thujone content and that is a sure sign that this product is not made by an absinthe enthusiast. Frankly, when people make that claim I wonder if there is any thujone at all in it, not that it is important. Regardless if this is distilled or not (I see your sweet behind and raise you a unicorn), it's probably not going to be the greatest of green fairies out there, maybe a little green goblin.

 

 

 

As you can see the label is covering almost the entire bottle, maybe they wanted it to look like it is wrapped in paper, I know some producers that are. The label has a green frame with the name and a green fairy, not the most inspired label, but far from the worst I've seen. A screw-on cap crowns the bottle, not the most luxurious choice but it suites the bottle just fine I think. But now, let's pop this cap and see whats inside.

 

Aged: No
Distillery: The Ulex-distillery
ABV: 55%
Category: Amber
Real/Fake: Fake
Origin: Germany

 

Color and Louche: This is suposed to be an amber, but mine is unmistakably a verte. The color is not super strong but has a nice shade of green, a very natural looking mix of lime and lemon (not like the picture from the website). I'm actually quite pleased with it. The louche is quite shy, the first thing I see is oil-streaks, but after about one part water I see some mist taking form and after 1,5 parts water in total it has reached it's climax. As I said, a bit shy and not super strong but enough for an absinthe I'd say.

 

Aroma: The scent from the open bottle mainly gives away anis, but there is a lot of alcohol that pricks my nose. From the bottle to the glass and now I can only feel the alcohol. I waited a bit to se if I'd find something more, but no. Adding water mellows the alcohol and now I find mainly citrus and a little bit of wormwood. No anis unfortunately. Might be this absinthe needs a bit less water because the scent is really faint by the time I'm done with it. Still this alcohol sharpness though...

 

Taste: Holly crap this is bitter! It starts quite innocent, but by Cthuhu that shit hits you later! My tongue scrunches up like a snail covered in salt, horrible stuff according to my taste. Can't say I detect very much apart from that, alcohol and sugar of course, but not much else. YUCK!

 

Final thoughts: I knew from the start that this was not a real absinthe and probably wasn't going to be great, but the louche and color gave me some hope (actually, before I tasted it, this seemed like a really decent fake absinthe). However, the taste really didn't live up to my standards and the strong bitterness convinces me even more that this is a macerated absinthe and not a distilled one. If Absinthe Ordinaire is even more bitter and have a higher ABV than this, I imagine it would be like taking the worst parts of this absinthe and cranking it up to 11, needless to say I won't buy it. It didn't cost me much though and some people really like a strong bitterness, and that is fine, just don't think that you'll get a traditional absinthe if you buy this. I'm going to pour this one out though (I just can't imagine this one getting better with time), and then go brush my teeth. This little goblin gets a singel green fairy from me today.

 

Pierre Ordinaire Absi...

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Source: Absinth Depot Berlin
 Source: Absinth Depot Berlin
 
 
 

I had a period about a year back when I bought samples of different fake absinthes, this is one of them. Although this one is a fakesinthe, it's suposed to be based on the traditionally made Vintage 1969 Montana Absenta. Why it's called Montana in the first place I have no idea.

 

 

 

It is sold in a variety of different bottles: from the smalest of 4 cl to the the largest of astounding 3 liters (!). It looks like the smaller bottles are made of glass, but the three liter bottle (you can see a picture of it above) must be made of plastic. When I was in the USA I saw three liter bottles of whisky and thought that this drink can't be good since they sell it in such big bottles (if it was good it would cost more and it wouldn't be lucrative to sell it in such large quantities), but they were sold in a bottle that was pretty much a bigger version of their original bottle. This one looks like a monstrous version of a pack of rapeseed oil from the store, or like something that would be sold to a fast food restaurant. I couldn't imagine anything less luxurious. My bottle in particular had a label that was coming off and felt (and looked) like it was printed on a €20 printer at home. Also, the metal cap kept coming of and it was barely more than balancing on top of the bottle. So far I'm not impressed with the presentation. 

 

Aged: No
Distillery: Destilerias Montaña S.A
ABV: 55%
Category: Verte
Real/Fake: Fake
Origin: Spanien

 

Color and Louche: Montana 55 has a intense yellow color that probably could be used to paint with. The louche is nonexistent throughout the whole process and I can´t even see oil-streaks.

 

Aroma: Straight from the bottle i smells like pizza dough, never found that in an absinthe before. This pretty much disappears when it's poured into the glass and I can only detect a very faint, oily scent that once again make me think of rapeseed oil. Water is added and only now can I find something of herbs here: a quite feeble aroma of anis. 

 

Taste: I can barely feel any taste at all after 5 parts water, only the oily texture and the sweetness from the sugar. Actually, the sweetness is overpowering, and when I say that it´s saying something. You probably shouldn't add any sugar to this, at all.

 

Final thoughts: While Spanish fakesinthes are seldom good, this was particularly bad. There is nothing good with it, louche, aroma, color, taste and packaging: all bad! If this isn't a crapsinthe of rank, then I don't know what is, I wouldn't use it in drinks or pancakes, much less drink it as is. I give it a rating of 1, and then I'm feeling generous. What saves it from a rating of 0,5 (the worst rating I can give) is that while it doesn't taste anything, at least it doesn't taste bad.

 

Absenta Montana 55